Catching up.

Here are some random pictures of what I have missed over the last weeks of not blogging. I have been too tired and busy to get to it sooner.


This is all the Hodge cousins on Nana's couch. This was taken over Thanksgiving weekend.


This is the birthday cake I made for Hayden's birthday party.
Tait was loving the swings at the pumpkin patch.

The boys with their friend at the pumpkin patch.

Here we go again...

I think the ticker at the top of the blog says it all.

Yarrrrr, and all that....

As it is National Talk Like A Pirate Day, I will take the time to promote an RPG game that we play online called YoHoHo Puzzle Pirates. It is really fun and combines a lot of little puzzle games into an RPG where you play a pirate. You can join a crew, go pillaging on ships, hunt for sea monsters in atlantis and even buy houses, pets and clothing to customize your pirate. If you check it out, look for Rustinsmommy. That's me. =)

www.puzzlepirates.com

My New Friend

So I stepped outside to get the mail today and I saw this.

This spider is probably about 3/4" to an inch across not counting the legs! I hate spiders but I think this one has lived her a while without bothering me. We also have hobo spiders around here. Hopefully this one eats them.

And to counter the ugly, here is a picture of cuteness.

My Grandma passed away last week so my sister came up for the funeral. She and her little boy stayed with us for a few days. Karsten is almost 2 so he and Tait had fun playing together.

County Fair

We went to the Fair last weekend and I never got around to posting pictures from it. Here they are now.



I don't know why Rustin isn't in this picture. He must have been on a ride.


This is the barrel of monkeys at the end of the funhouse ride.



Beep Beep! They loved these cars and the little button that was the horn.


MMMM! Tait gets the leftover cotton candy. I was surprised the kids didn't really love the cotton candy. In fact Jeshua hated it.


Post cotton candy stickiness.

Welcome To The World, Kyler!

So My sister-in-law had her baby yesterday. He is sooo cute! He looks a lot like his mom. He joins an older brother and 7 cousins who are all boys. Someone in this family needs to have a girl!

Here are some pictures of when we went to see him last night.

The boys were excited to see their new cousin, but the tv next door was more interesting than holding the baby.

I got to hold him for a long time. And no, I don't have baby fever now! =p

Visible Grace Garage Sale

My friend is heading this up and wants us to invite anyone and everyone to come. So, come shop for a good cause!

4th of July

Here are some pictures from the 4th. I was going to take some of the fireworks and forgot so you just get one of the kids playing in the sprinkler and watching the parade.

Tait loves the water!

Hayden loves the candy.

Here is Hayden and Jeshua running threw the sprinkler.

And this is the water balloon fight. It was so hot everyone was glad to get soaked.

Yay My Pictures Work Again!

I haven't been blogging much lately as I like to add pictures and I couldn't get my pictures to download to my computer. Well I finally fixed the problem so now I can post things again.
And by special request from Ashby I will tell you about the trip we took to see my sister.
It was really fun to be able to hang out with my sister and her family. She has a little boy, Karsten, who is about 1 1/2 and he is so cute! I got to huggle him all week so I didn't have to miss my kids too much.
We went to the jellybelly factory while we were there. It was really fun to see how they make the jellybeans. And it smelled so good when we walked in . They make you wear paper hats for the tour which you can see Jerek loved wearing.

And here is the picture spot with Mr. Jellybelly. Karsten was afraid Mr. Jellybelly and wouldn't sit for a picture.

The best part of the tour was the FREE SAMPLES! We bought some called belly flops that are the ones that are not the right shape and such. They came in a 2 pound bag. We bought 2 bags and we ended up eating them all before the week was up. That's right 4 pounds of jellybeans in about 4 days.

So...Yeah... that was out trip.

You're only as old as you feel

So my birthday is tomorrow. I will be 28. Jerek has reminded me that I am only 2 years from 30. I have thought about my age a bit recently and I think I am a bit stuck at like 21-23. I find my self talking about people we know 20-23ish and saying they are my age, which Jerek is sure to correct me of. =) I actually don't have any problems with getting older.I don't mind at all that i am getting close to 30. Besides, who decided 30 was a bad age? The closer I get to it the younger it seems. When I think of myself, I never think of my age as a number.
I remember laughing as a kid how my mom had to think for a while to remember her own age. At the age of 13 you NEVER forget your age.
I was accused the other day of wearing a shirt that is too young for me and it got me to thinking about this. I don't want to be one of those people who you see and think, "It looks like she borrowed her daughters clothes" even though I have no daughters he he.
I am often faced with the same argument in my head( yes I do talk to myself) every time I buy clothes. I am not ready to wear mom jeans and those classic never goes out of style tops. I love the fashionable things that will go out of style in a couple years, but when are you too old to shop in the junior section? They have such cute clothes there, but am I too old? Why do stores have either juniors or the women's section with a vast difference in the styles? We have young or boring. Laugh if you want but this is an important issue! =)
Also when are you too old to wear 2 braids in your hair or pigtails? That is a whole other subject in itself.

Still Sick

After almost almost a week of health we are sick again. Jerek had a stomache bug yesterday and a sore throat and cough has been served up to me and Rustin. Hopefully the stomache thing wont pass to the rest of us and the cough is a small cold that will leave quickly. ( yeah I know, wishful thinking. I am the optimist though.)

sick

I don't know why but we have been plagued with illness for about 2 months or so. I went to a women's retreat on March 4 and I was coming down with a cold then. It turned into a terrible cough that I had until about a week ago which ended in a terrible sinus infection.
When I came home from the retreat Jerek started battling with some faith related depression issues, then over the next few weeks the boys and I also got the stomach flu which made it's way around the family 2 or 3 times, I lost count. Now Jerek has had a fever since Tuesday. He was feeling better Friday morning but I told him he should call the Doctor anyways as in my experience fevers don't just appear out of nowhere and instantly disappear a couple days later. He had taken Tylenol all night so I figured that was why his fever was down. Well at about 4 that afternoon his fever was back and he felt as crappy as ever so I had to take him to urgent care as the doctor's office was close then. After about 3-4 hours we came home with an antibiotic for him to take, but he still has a fever today. I am going to call the doctor today again and see what the lab results say.
I am starting to feel like sick is normal anymore. Jerek's brother is getting married in less than 2 weeks and it would be nice to be well for that.
Sometimes I feel this is a spiritual attack. When I came back from the retreat I had a renewed sense of the Holy Spirit and I feel I have grown spiritually quite a bit in the last couple months.
Jerek used to be the strongest one of us in the faith department so I don't see a coincidence in the depression and illness with my growing faith.
Pray for us if you think about it!

Giggles Galore

A friend of mine had posted this on myspace but I am going to repost it on this here blog as it is too cute not to share. Thanks, Connie!=)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCLPsaMkpKM

To those who left comments on my last posting....

Thanks for the encouragement and prayers guys! I was having one of those hormonal days at the time I wrote that post. It is still a big struggle but it was looking worse than reality at the time. I was able to talk to a teacher that works with special needs kids and got some advice on how to redirect some behaviours and she told me it is ok and probably beneficial to cut down his work load. Hopefully we can work something out.

I am not a teacher.

I am so overwhelmed right now.I do not have teaching skills. What was I thinking when I agreed to homeschool the kids? I have been struggling so hard this past week yet I have no alternative. Private school is too expensive and Jerek doesn't want to do public school at all.Honestly, one of my kids is difficult to teach anything. He has a stubborn streak to no end and If i say to do something it is not going to happen. Would he do this to a teacher at a real school? i feel I am making him dumber instead of teaching him how to do his school and the frustration that is building in me is hurting our relationship. I don't know what to do from here...

Who I am...

I went on a women's retreat with my church this past weekend. It was a lot of fun but I am exhausted this morning.I should have been less social and slept more.
Anyway, one of the ladies in the church did the teaching sessions. She spoke about who we are in Christ as women. She talked about the different things that satan uses to attack us to draw us away from God. The 4 main ways he uses are doubt,shame,fear and blame.
I spoke about some of my past which has really shaped me into who I am right now. I thought maybe those that did not go on the retreat may want to hear it too, so I am posting it here.

Almost three years ago, on May 29, 2004, my worst nightmare was realized. That day I learned God's sovereignty first hand.
At that time I had 4 little boys. Rustin , Jeshua , Kalin and Hayden. For those who don't know my story, Kalin and Hayden were twins. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with twins. It was scary and exciting and happy all at once. I had always had the dream of having twins and with each pregnancy I had hoped it would be so. God had given me my dream.
It was a lot of work having a 3-year-old, 18-month-old and twin babies. I had 3 in diapers and one recently potty trained.
Kalin was very colicky. He would cry all day and then he would sleep all night out of pure exhaustion. He had a hard time eating. He refused a bottle and would barely take the breast. He didn't gain weight as well as Hayden did but he was still a decent weight. I can't tell you how frustrating it is when you have a baby that is crying so hard and so often and you are powerless to fix it. I took him to the doctor all the time and of course he never cried there. The dr. was no help. He just said it is colic, go home and don't worry about it. Kalin would cry so hard, and arch his back so far, he was rolling from tummy to back at 3 weeks old when he weighed less than 5 pounds. He was 8 weeks premature and had little muscle tone. This was not a normal happening.
When the babies were about 6 months old we decided to buy a bigger house. It sort of just fell in our lap. The housing market went low and the interest rates dropped enough that we could get a markedly bigger house in a better location and not really have a bigger house payment. Things happened very fast. We fixed up a few things and made it look really nice. When we did put our house on the market, we got an offer on it the next day. We took the offer and then had to find a house we wanted to buy.We found a few but the market was so hot that we couldn't put in an offer fast enough. At our realtor's insistence, we finally took a look at one we had been passing over. It was a little too expensive, but it could work. We fell in love with the huge back yard and we really liked the floor plan. We decided to put in an offer. We offered lower than we expected them to accept, but they did. So now we were going to move in about a month. We had a lot of things to do in the mean time.
At this time we were involved in a church plant. We had meetings every week with food and a video followed by discussion. The plan was to grow that little group into a church congregation. We didn't get very many attendants though so the support was going to come to an end. We had all decided to fast and pray for 24 hours to really seek God's guidance. I remember praying that God would show himself to me in a real way. I don't think I expected to really see this happen.
I had never fasted before, but I was determined to stick with it to the end. By about 4 in the afternoon I had a terrible headache. I don't really know if it was from the fasting or what but it was bad. By 7 it was so bad that I contemplated going to the hospital. I fed the babies and went to bed. I left the dishes on the table from dinner and the packing undone. I couldn't do it. I have never had a headache like that in my life. It was worse than any pain I had ever felt.Including drug free childbirth. It totally paralyzed me from doing anything but lay in bed. Kalin was particularly fussy that night. He just cried and cried. No one could console him. I remember praying that God would make him go to sleep so I could sleep also. Jerek's Parents and brother came at like 8 or 9. They were going to stay and help us move in the next couple days. They camped out in the living room and dining room on the couch and extra mattress. We asked them not to sleep in the babies' room where the extra mattress usually was. They snore and the last time they slept in there, the babies hardly slept at all.
When Jerek came to bed, kalin was still crying. We were the cry it out type parents. He had been fed, he didn't have a dirty diaper, and he didn't need anything. He needed to sleep and so did we. He cried so often it didn't really seem like there was anything out of the ordinary going on. Normally, I would have rocked him or tried to nurse him. That night I was so out of it I didn't do anything. My head felt like it was going to burst open. And any noise made it worse. We put our earplugs in and prayed for it to get better.
At about 2:30 or 3 am I had a terrible dream. I dreamed I was in the middle of a war. Jerek and me were soldiers in the trenches. It was dark and there were bullets and rockets going off. As we got closer to the enemy troops we saw they had a hostage. The hostage was little Hayden and they were going to torture him terribly. I knew that he would be better off with Jesus, so I shot him in the head to save him from the torture. I never have violent dreams. This one frightened me awake. I got up and went to the door where the babies were sleeping. Kalin had quit crying a while ago. I started to turn the handle and then thought better of it. I didn't want to wake them up and start the crying all over again. My head still was pounding, so I took some more Tylenol and went back to bed. I don't know if that dream was prophetic, coincidence or what, but I have never had a dream like it before or since that night.
I woke next morning feeling much better. My headache was gone. The sun was shining in the window as Jerek and I talked about the exciting move we were going to make in the next day. Hayden started crying so I went in to get the babies for there morning feeding. When I got to the crib they shared I noticed that Kalin wasn't awake yet. This wasn't that odd. They could sleep through each other crying some times. Kalin was under the blanket and when I pulled it back he didn't look right. He was on his tummy and his face looked very pale. I touched his cheek to wake him, but he was like ice. I knew at that moment he was gone, but I panicked and screamed for Jerek to come help me. I have always felt like Jerek could fix almost anything. As irrational as it sounds today, it made perfect sense in my mind that he could fix this. We took him to our room and laid him on the bed. Jerek performed CPR even though it was too late. He had probably been gone a while. Jerek's brother called 911. I remember feeling like it was not me that was going through this,it couldn't be.It happens to other people but not me. It was so surreal. I cried out to God for a miracle and I screamed, but there were really no tears yet. I was numb. When the paramedics and police came it was like something you see on TV. The paramedics took one look and said, Sorry it is too late. When they left, the medical examiner did his thing while the police questioned everyone about the previous events. I honestly don't know what I said to the officer that talked to me. I remember thinking that it was horribly rude to be interrogating us at this time, but I know they have to do their job. The medical examiner ruled it SIDS. No answer to what went wrong, he was just gone.
We called our former pastor who was a good friend and told him what had happened. He and his wife came over right away. They loved on us and spoke words of encouragement. I remember Keven quoting some scriptures and the one that was the most encouraging at the time was from 2 Samuel 12:23 Where God punished David for committing adultery with Bathsheeba and then murdering her husband to have her as his own wife. David's child with Bathsheeba is struck ill and David fasts and prays for God to give him mercy and spare the child. When the child dies, he gets up and washes his face and eats. Then he worships God in the temple. The servants are perplexed by his behavior and ask him why he is no longer fasting and praying. He responds with the words that were so encouraging to me. He said"But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."
These words may not sound encouraging at first, but as Keven explained to me it appears David is saying the child is now in Heaven. He says, "I will go to him." So I will see Kalin again someday. Just not here on earth. As difficult as that is, There is HOPE! It is not permanent. In fact, I will be with him for eternity. I just need to wait a few more years.
Somehow, God gave us peace like I have never felt. Even though my heart was shattered, I was able to see that God does have a plan. I may never know the why of it but I know who is in charge. I know that everything that happens to me is for a reason. I am now equipped with tools that can possibly help others who are hurting and grieving. I've grown a lot in my faith these past few years. I struggle with other issues in my walk with God, but one thing that God has shown me without a doubt is, He can help me through the most painful times I can imagine. He gave up his son too, only he gave his son to save the very people who sin against him everyday. people who would curse his name. I can't say I would give up any of my children, let alone if I only had one to give, for those who don't know me.For those who would treat me badly or not care about me. Romans 8:28 says And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose.
He says ALL things. That means even the ones that bring pain and suffering.
I know the death of a child doesn't sound like it could ever be something good. It isn't, but through this I have been able to understand more deeply His sacrifice. He can take that experience and use me to impact people I may never have reached before.
He knows what it feels like on a much bigger scale. And he has given me so many things to be thankful for even in times like this.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about Kalin. It is so easy to fall into the "what if..." trap. I should have done something different. I should have held him; I should have fed him. Why me? What did I do wrong?etc. The only place that will take me is guilt and shame. God does not want these things for me. He wants me to trust him to give me what I need. Even when it doesn't make sense to me. He has allowed me to turn the "not-fairs" into "I am so blessed.He gave me 3, now 4 more beautiful babies. He gave me twins so my arms would not be empty. He is so gracious even in the pain. He gave me a wonderful supportive husband who even in his pain was there to comfort and hold me. He allowed the timing to be perfect.We moved just 1 day after Kalin's death so we would not have to deal with the painful situation of living where he died."
Jerek and I were there to hold each other up. We decided we were not going to let this tear us apart, so we prayed God would help us to give healing to each other. And He has answered that prayer.
I hope that others can see His strength and peace through me and be encouraged to carry on and rest in His arms. That is the most peaceful place I have ever experienced and it is right where he wants me.
1Peter 5:10 says And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
I know God is faithful in his promises as he has done this for me. I still grieve the loss and it still hurts tremendously, but God has given me a strength that I would never have had in a less painful situation.

Oh wheeeeere is my camera.....

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I can't find my camera. It has to be around here someplace. I think I will just blame it on Jerek. Yeah, he had it last....
I will just tell you about the good day I had Tuesday. I always have the kids wih me on the weekdays and never really have time to just be alone. Well we were in Coquille, where the grandparents all live, this weekend. Jerek's parents were coming up to our house on Tuesday anyway and we were coming home on Monday. We left the chillin's with them over night and they brought them back on Tuesday. I was able to sleep in late, do nothing for a few hours, take a shower without worrying about the kids burning down the house or killing each other, then I went shopping at the mall for a few hours. I can't rememeber the last time I went to the mall alone and just looked at thngs without a time limit or even had time to do anything alone without a time limit for that matter. It was very refreshing.

King Kong

Warning, If you haven't already seen KING KONG( The most recent one, not the old black and white one) Don't read the following.






OK, so we finally got around to watching King Kong. It was a good movie but it was SCARY!! I mean, I can handle the the giant monkey and all the violence. It's the bugs! The horror! And the leeches! For Pete's sake the LEECHES!I have nightmares about such things and I honestly could not watch some of it.
Phew, now that I have all the drama out of the way I can type without the caps and exclamation points.
The parts with the bugs and leeches were really gross. Why does everything have to be huge on that island? I don't get it. And Jerek thought Rustin could watch it. Good thing I said no way before we even started it.

fwd:fwd:fwd:

Sorry, but I need to gripe for a minute. Why do people send those inspirational, chain mail, sick-kid-is-dying-Bill-Gates-gives-money-each-time-someone-sends-this-on to each others email? They are usually stupid or you have already heard them a million times. Seriously now, How could it even be possible for whoever it is that is donating for each email sent to track this?? There is a website I like to check everything by called www.snopes.com. I would say about 99% of the forwards I get are false. I never send anything on unless it is true. It is so easy to check it our first. Sorry if any of you reading this are the type that like to send forwards. If you enjoy them, that is great. I personally don't like them and I delete them unread as soon as I check them with snopes. * gets off my soapbox* >.> <.<

I like to sew it, sew it!

I am so excited , I have to post it on my blog. My new sewing machine is finally here!
I ordered one from overstock.com on the 17th. They sent me the tracking number and when I checked it on the 23rd, It was delivered to Athens, Ga. I called them to see what was up and the guy put me on hold for an insane amount of time. He came back and said he talked to UPS and they told him it was the wrong tracking number. UPS was to email me a tracking number in a day or two. Well that never showed up so I called UPS yesterday and they acted like I was stupid for thinking they could give me a tracking number. Overstock had to do that! So I called overstock again, and that lady said it was the right package but it got delivered to the wrong address somehow. She shipped out a replacement as who knows where my sewing machine actually ended up.
Today I get an email that gives me a corrected tracking number for the original order and the tracking number for the replacement order. Guess what?! The package was out for delivery from Tualiton. So I now have my original order which was indeed the wrong tracking number not the wrong mailing address, and I will be recieving my replacement next week. I have to call overstock and get a return lable when that one comes or we have bought 2 sewing machine and I only need one. Whew! Next time I think I will just go to Costco. My mom likes hers from there.

The language of body?

Here is a free lesson for those of you not fluent in body language. Watch. You might learn something. =)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9YTxff3pHU&NR

So Tired

Tait fell asleep while playing today. I thought he looked so cute using his stuffed puppy for a pillow. Luckily he didn't awake when I took his picture. It seems to always turn out they wake up or quit doing the cute stuff when the camera comes out.
You might notice a bunch of socks under his head too. We use the laundry basket to keep him corralled in the living room. He makes short work of throwing all the socks out of the basket. Must be a very taxing job.=)

Snow Day

We woke up this morning to a blanket of snow covering the ground. It looked like so much fun the kids had to go play in it.




Hayden is so bundled up he can hardly move.

Jeshua got hit by a snowball and he is explaining where a piece of snow got between his mitten and his coat sleeve.

He is very disturbed by this piece of snow on his wrist.